37,000 flags were set up in the Boston Commons in 2016, the year these photos were taken, inmemory of all the service members in Mass who had died from the Revolutionary War to date.Because of the Covid-19 crisis, this year the people who organize this effort offer a file on theirwebsite for us to print off a flag and display it in our windows. Along with the sheer volume of people from MA who?ve died in the military (a total of 37,309 atthis point), the personalization of a number of the flags made us catch our breath.Now, with the pandemic upon us, we are so restricted in how we can share who our loved onewas and the ways in which we knew them, in in how we can grieve and be comforted throughritual and community. We can still find ways. For example, a recent obituary in the Boston Globe reported[link to read more…]
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Planning Ahead: what we leave behind
I couldn?t resist using the above photo, though this post doesn?t focus on the details of legal wills. ?The quip made me smile for itself – and then also that it?s attributed to Anonymous. ?Before a death, any time we get near the topic of divvying up belongings after a death might make us want to go into an anonymous mode if we?ll be the inheritors. ?On the other hand, since we regress after a death, not dealing with the topic ahead of time tends to set up a higher degree of conflict with others. As a relative of mine told me, ?Grandpa said he wasn?t going to bother making those decisions and his kids could just fight it out afterwards. And, boy, did they!!? It?s tough to take this on in so many ways. ?I offer the following ideas and information in the hopes that they may be tools[link to read more…]
Planning Ahead: Death Cafes and more
Maybe you have ideas or questions related to death that you haven?t had a chance to explore out loud. Maybe you?re not sure how to voice these thoughts or would like to hear the thoughts and questions that others have for themselves. It?s generally noted that we have a death-denying culture here in the US and that this is true for many other countries, too. Enter ?The Death Cafe– started by Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid in London in September 2011. ?At a Death Cafe, people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death… Our objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’?? They’ve estimated that 6,289 Death Cafes have been held in 56 countries – approximately 63,110?people talking! “A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or[link to read more…]
Planning Ahead: insights from bereavement researchers and therapists
In the Boston area, Mourning Dove Studio started with me working directly with families. I wanted to be as competent as possible while helping them, so I began taking workshops and an annual weeklong seminar. Eventually I realized that some of the work being presented would be very helpful to know when planning ahead and in the immediate time after a death. The 5 Stages of Grief model from Elizabeth Kubler Ross is the classic work known by most people. Many presenters I?ve heard let us know that this model has come to be understood more like commandments, whereas they are merely one framework offering some understanding and guidance. It?s important to know that her model does not mean that grieving must happen in a linear fashion and to know that there are other models with useful perspectives to offer us. ?The?dual process model?is well respected, for example. In future[link to read more…]