funeral planning;

Planning Ahead: Resources

By bringing death out in the open, by witnessing it, talking about it, learning about it, and trying in whatever way we can to accept it as an inevitable part of our lives, we can be better prepared, we can make better decisions when the time comes, and we can change the way we die [AND LIVE]– for ourselves and for our loved ones.                              -Talking About Death Won’t Kill You                               by Virginia Morris For this last post of our series Planning Ahead, we’ve gathered all the resources mentioned throughout into one list: Resources 1. Mourning Dove Studio website 2. Mourning Dove Studio Tribute Ideas 3. Post #1 April 21 – Introduction (structure it in) 4. Post #2 April 22 – Planning [link to read more…]

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Planning Ahead: Your Last Words

Planning Ahead: Your Last Words

-You’ve written down your choices and wishes for the way your survivors for your after-death care. That’s such a gift to them! Emotions can run all over the place after a death – this is normal – but that means it’s a set-up for painful conflict if there’s disagreement as to how to honor and express our love for someone who’s died. A lot of our feelings during this time can get parked in the Guilt area. So If it’s true for you, writing down something like this is also a gift: These are my wishes, and I know you’ll do your best to honor them. But if for any reason at all that’s not possible, you don’t need to feel guilty. I love you and I know that you love me. –The Four Things that Matter Most by Ira Byock This well-respected doctor of palliative care distilled his experiences into [link to read more…]

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Terminal Case

Planning Ahead: Talking with Others

The Conversation Project encourages families to talk about advanced care directives, that is, what kinds and levels of medical interventions someone would want for themselves. Their free, beautiful Starter Kits start off by asking us to think about our values and what’s important to us as the basis for proceeding to deal with possible situations.  It’s the perfect beginning to thinking about the after-death care choices, as well, by combining the first 2 pages of the starter kit with the questions in your planning guide.   As previous posts in this series have pointed out, aligning after-death care with our values and what’s important to us makes the whole thing meaningful and less paralyzing.  When people value caring for the environment, for example, learning about natural burial can open up a conversation. Talking About Death Won’t Kill You by Virginia Morris, can help, and help a lot. I wish I’d been able to [link to read more…]

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Planning Ahead: what we leave behind

I couldn’t resist using the above photo, though this post doesn’t focus on the details of legal wills.  The quip made me smile for itself – and then also that it’s attributed to Anonymous.  Before a death, any time we get near the topic of divvying up belongings after a death might make us want to go into an anonymous mode if we’ll be the inheritors.  On the other hand, since we regress after a death, not dealing with the topic ahead of time tends to set up a higher degree of conflict with others. As a relative of mine told me, “Grandpa said he wasn’t going to bother making those decisions and his kids could just fight it out afterwards. And, boy, did they!!” It’s tough to take this on in so many ways.  I offer the following ideas and information in the hopes that they may be tools [link to read more…]

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