Stories of personally meaningful ways that people have commemorated and grieved their loved ones or other losses.

I offer them here with the idea that hearing what others have done may inspire us and spark our own thoughts, reinforce our connections with each other, and be part of the process of mourning and healing.

If you would like to add your experience to these stories, they are welcome. Please send them through the Share Your Story form at the bottom of this website.

Things That Bereavement Researchers Tell Us:

Almost everything is normal when grieving. Get help if you are suicidal, homicidal or unable to function - J Shep Jeffreys
Everyone grieves differently. Be kind to yourself and to others as you consider what to do.
No New Shoulds - Don’t feel pressure to add anything else to any rituals that are meaningful to you. There’s already enough to do and feel, and you may find yourself with low energy.

Stories of Commemoration and Grieving

Stars in the Sky

A friend’s mother died, in commemoration, the family found a program where you pay money to officially name a bona fide star in the sky. They named one after their mom. I found a little, battery-operated star and sent it to them the next Christmas (a few months after her death). They told me they left it on, blinking, all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and that it was helpful to see it as they were missing her, plus helpful to have a sense that others were thinking of them.

Woven Fiber Casket

A group of cousins spent summers together playing beside a river under a huge willow tree. When one of the cousins died, it was meaningful to them to find a casket woven out of willow leaves.

Tributes from Loved Clothing

I make tribute pieces from the clothing of loved ones. Several clients have had me make pieces for the wall, combining photos and small objects with scraps from clothing. Another client commissioned me to make a series of warm scarves from armfuls of knits his mother wore, everything from fine scarves to the last bathrobe they bought her. The work is always moving for me. Just going through the clothes brings up memories. The work transforms fabric into something new and makes love present.

-Linda Dunn

Community Responses

Among all of the thoughtful commemorations I’ve been hearing about in response to the tenth anniversary of September 11th (and I’ve certainly been struck by the many ways that individuals have privately grieved and integrated this tragedy into their lives), I wanted to highlight an ongoing community response. Evidently, groups of people gather together in many cities every September 11th to walk and talk together.

A quote from the organization that facilitates this “interaction, friendship and love are still the only antidote to misunderstanding, fear and hatred.”

Reef Balls

“A reef ball is a designed artificial reef module which mimics the structure and function of a natural reef.”… Hollow interior spaces provide habitat and shelter for marine species, and the addition of coral plugs allows for quick initiation of growth and rescue of corals damaged by storms, dredging, etc.”… The Reef Ball Foundation is a 501(c) 3 publicly supported non-profit and international environmental NGO whose mission is to help restore and conserve oceanic and aquatic habitats using Reef Ball technologies.”

Some companies offer the opportunity to incorporate cremated ashes into reef balls and let loved ones spend time decorating the reef ball with handprints and similar objects.

Mosaic Mirror

One example of mosaic scrapbooking is a mosaic memory mirror, which I made for my sister to honor our mother. By breaking up a few cherished teacups that were passed down from my grandmother to my mother and then to me, I was able to find a new way to incorporate memories and see them in my daily life. The teacups are one of my earliest childhood memories as I stared at each unique piece and reveled in their beauty. Though these cups were in my life for over 50 years, I never really used them, and although it took a lot of courage to cut them up, I was thankful to find new uses for them and to have a way to exhibit them in an object that I would look at and into every day. I included an old photo of the three of us when my sister and I were children, and a small golden bee to honor her name, Bea, and her penchant for antique bee pins. I especially liked the feeling of comfort seeing my own face in the mirror surrounded by bits of her life. Finished mosaics can include objects such as photographs, medals, news clippings, jewelry, broken pottery, and almost anything else one can conjure up. Symbolically, the process of picking up the pieces and putting them back together again is both healing and inspiring.

-Betsy Rodman, The Mosaic Oasis

Buttons

There are a number of buttons on Etsy that say various versions of “I’m grieving.” You can find places that will make buttons with whatever you want printed on them.

Windshield Sticker

On the back windshield of a van, I saw an oval-shaped decal with the shape of a butterfly within. Words superimposed over that had a young woman’s name with dates of birth and death, and also the exhortation: Slow Down for Mary.

Armbands

A woman who had lived in Australia reported that people there wore black armbands, possibly for about a month, to indicate that they were grieving. She liked this custom because, as she said, it helped people to be a little kinder in their interactions with the griever. I’ve often thought that it’s too bad that we no longer have this unspoken information conveyed from people wearing black armbands or black clothing here in America (although I realize that my own fashion sense relies on being able to regularly wear black by choice. Your world has changed when someone dies, and sometimes it’s just jarring that the rest of the world just keeps going on.

-Monalisa Gilbert

Bumper Sticker

I’m not sure if this person’s father had really died, but it’s notable. Someone has said that we all have our own pain and if we each remembered that, we’d be kinder to each other.