A Living Memorial Service

Gabe Williamson was dying. The congregation he belonged to, the Ethical Culture Society of Essex County, in Maplewood, NJ, wanted to celebrate his long life. I wasn’t a member of this congregation when Gabe was dying; it happened years before I moved to New Jersey. But the living memorial they created for him had such a strong impact on the congregation that I heard about it regularly from a variety of people. Everyone thought it was wonderful. I might not have all the details exactly right, but this is my sense of what happened:

Gabe was brought to the Society meeting house, a space that had been a big home at one point, and still retained that cozy feeling. The couch was where he sat as his resting place for this event.

Gabe had had a long and active life. There were many people who came to share their appreciation with Gabe, his family, and the assembled congregation. I’m pretty sure there was music he had selected, and I can’t imagine that there wasn’t a whole lot of good food, something that was a hallmark of events at that Society when I became a member. The sentiment I heard repeated the most was how wonderful it was that people got to tell Gabe what he meant to them while he was alive. That they knew that he died, knowing how much they respected him, and valued the work he had done; that they were glad he was in their lives.

Gabe died 4 weeks after his congregation, his friends, and loved ones had gathered to honor him.

I first heard about this living memorial service well over 20 years ago. While I haven’t had the opportunity to participate in a living memorial, the idea of sharing with people how much they mean to me is one I try to adopt, and I have shared the idea as a possibility for many people. Maybe someday there will be a living memorial service for me.

– Susan Rose, Leader, Ethical Society Without Walls