My Green Burial Story: Care at Home after Death

By Joan Pillsbury

My husband, Dennis and I had been interested in green burial since 2009 when I
heard a NPR program featuring Mark Harris. I immediately read Harris’s book
Grave Matters.

We valued the concept of reduce, reuse, recycle and had an energy efficient home
with alternative energy sources. Deciding to have our final arrangements include
being buried in a green cemetery was a no brainer.

When we told our children about our plans for a green burial they said, “Sure,
mom, do what you want.”

I also attended a workshop on home funerals (a home funeral is when a loved one
is cared for at home after death), taught by Peg Lorenz of Peaceful Passage at
Home. Peg said, “You are not ready to do this work until you purchase the
necessary supplies to prepare the body for burial.” So I did what she suggested (the
Techni-iceTM for cooling the body was the only item I didn’t have on hand) and I
was ready to share my knowledge and passion and help other families care for their
relative who died at home.

I joined the efforts of Green Burial MA to establish a green cemetery that anyone
in Massachusetts could use.

But Dennis could not wait for a green cemetery in Massachusetts.

Dennis was ill for a while but only in the last three months did he suffer significant
pain. He decided to request hospice care and within days he died.

This is when all of my research came in handy. I remembered the first things Peg
Lorenz said to do after a loved one dies at home: slow down, take a deep breath,

clear the space of medical supplies, and delegate jobs. Dennis was at peace, his
room was beautiful, and I was ready with my action plan.

I called my friend Carol Coan who with Judith Lorei had co-founded Green Burial
MA.

My next call was to Joyce Foley at Cedar Brook Burial Ground in Limington,
Maine. Going to Maine made perfect sense since Dennis had deep Maine roots.
Joyce was positive, helpful, and we made arrangements to have Dennis buried the
next day at Cedar Brook Burial Ground.

When I explained to my children what I wanted to do they said, Let’s make it
happen.” They arranged for the purchase of a coffin and a vehicle to transport Dennis to
Maine. They took the hospice nurse’s Pronouncement of Death document to our
physician and picked up the Death Certificate. Carol helped me complete the
demographic portion.

I notified our town clerk of my plan to care for Dennis at home and that I would be
the person responsible for the arrangements. I sent her references from Joshua
Slocum’s book, Final Rights, with regulations regarding caring for your own dead
in Massachusetts. She found this very helpful as she had never prepared a death
certificate for a family member managing arrangements after a death.

On a sunny February morning, a little caravan of family and friends travelled to
Cedar Brook Burial Ground and lovingly placed Dennis in the ground facing the
sun. We shared stories and said our goodbyes.

My children and I can’t imagine caring for Dennis any other way. It was beautiful,
simple, and satisfying to have our beloved husband and father at home with us and
then transport his remains to Maine as we grieved his death and celebrated our
family’s love together.

-Joan Pillsbury

Resources:
Caring for a loved one at home after their death:
Peaceful Passage at Home (Peg Lorenz and others) – http://www.peacefulpassageathome.com/
Heather Massey – https://www.returningtoourroots.org/heather-massey
Home Funeral Association – https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/

Green Burial
Green Burial Council – https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/
Green Burial Massachusetts – https://greenburialma.org/